I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
