I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
