I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
