He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
