How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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