forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
