i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
