Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm like, not good at living.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
