and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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