Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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