he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she smelled like a LAN party
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
