can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
