he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
