just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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