6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
