I wanna bring you to show and tell
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
