when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
