never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
