So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
