oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
