well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He did a backflip because drugs
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
