i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
