Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
