A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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