Don't you send me to vm
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
