Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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