im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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