We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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