I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
