these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just cropdusted the office
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
