After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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