WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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