i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
