I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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