you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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