but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
