you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
