he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
