Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
