Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
