Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
