This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
