um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
