I have demons in me.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
