just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
