I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
