I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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