I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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