also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
