I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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