Ambien. No doubt about it.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
