even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
