I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
